The Worst College Essays Ever Written: Read, Laugh, and Avoid Their Mistakes

How can you recognize the worst college essay? There is only one criteria – shame. Yes, unadulterated, pure shame – the one that cannot be washed away. Some college essays written as a part of an application are so bad that they might be an example of a new form of writing – it would be so, if people couldn’t distinguish between something unusual and really bad.

How to avoid this? Well, read these examples, laugh, cry, and make a mental note of other students’ mistakes.

The worst opening sentences make the worst essay ever

  • Everybody loves to make up fire. But not everyone has dry rags, propane torch, and gallons of accelerates.
  • My story starts one score years ago, when my mom and dad decided to have sex, and that’s how I appeared.
  • This is Jack, one of Helena Kurz’s personalities, and I want to attend your college.
  • Grammar and punktuation are the results of hostile kapitalism and imperialism which serve to satan and put the human society into a huge grinding machine.
  • Take me to your college, please! Please, please, please, PLEASE!

The worst college essay ever written by a girl who wants to be a marine pediatric doctor


My dream is to become a marine pediatric doctor. I like animals, babies, and the ocean. My parents and I love to spend our weekends at the seaside. I enjoy it and feel myself at home when at the seaside!

I’ve heard that marine doctors have to treat different sea creatures including fish. I don’t really like fish, well, I will take the fish course if needed, but I am more interested in animals that leave on a seaside.
I would like to work with seals, because they are cute. Especially small ones, I love them! And even baby dolphins (I hope they are not fish). I want to become a marine pediatric doctor because seals and other creatures look so cute and I would like to cuddle them all the time!

A guy who likes to be sick

Your college provides amazing health benefits and this is the reason why I want to become one of your students. I have health problems that caused a number of mental break downs.

Yes, I am a real psycho. No, I’m just kidding – I’m not a psycho.

But I felt so anxious when I visited your college last summer.  It was so hot outside and I felt bad. Even though a guide-girl was fine, she was so chaotic and talking too fast and I lost consciousness. And then they took me to a first-aid post. A great one! My dad and I looked at the health benefits you have there and we were really excited.

I believe, you should out your first-aid post in a Photo Book, it’s so clean, nice and sterile. I have break downs from time to time, so your college is a great place for me.

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